Women to Avoid

From : http://www.themenscenter.com/busterb/womento2.htm

First off, I have to say that I didn't write this list. It came from NiceGuy's Women Suck! Homepage. However, I couldn't resist adding my own commentary, so here it is. As I pointed out on my original list of women to avoid, this list isn't about telling women how to be. It is, instead, about telling men to date smarter. Women have been talking amongst themselves, creating these kinds of lists for generations. Cosmo and other women's magazines puts women's lists into print from time to time for shock value. Now, men, it's time that we started talking about which kinds of women make good companions and which don't.

Self-Image

• Don't date a woman who doesn't accept compliments.

  Women who have poor self-images and are comfortable in those poor self-images don't like to be contradicted. They don't like to hear that they're beautiful, or exciting, or sexy. At some level they enjoy self-pity and the attention that it brings. By constantly trying to reassure her of her worthiness and beauty you will not be curing her poor self-image, but will instead simply: a) cause her to stop believing what you say, and b) feed her need for more and more attention of the form, "No, Honey, you're not fat! You're beautiful!"

  Now, everyone has bad days, including self-pitying days. I would worry if I dated a woman who, even during her worst "time of the month" didn't feel a little fat and ugly. The question is whether it is a constant theme, and whether she normally accepts compliments. If the answer is no, that she normally says, "No, I'm not," when you tell her she's beautiful, then you're most likely looking at a lifetime of playing "the rescuer." Get off the rescue team and go find someone with a better attitude.

Unrealistic Expectations (Princesses)

• Don't date a woman that reads Harlequin Romance novels.

  The point here is to avoid women who have unrealistic views of men. You are not her knight in shining armour. You are not going to rescue her life from its current pathetic or semi-pathetic state. You're just her companion and lover. If she consumes like popcorn books and movies that portray men as sweeping women off their feet and making their lives all better, you have to know that she thinks that her life sucks and it's going to be your job to make it all better. (No, you can't.)

• Don't date a woman who responds to good news by simply upping her expectations.

  This one is pretty easy to spot: she wins a trip to Cabo San Lucas, but then discovers later that she has to pay the taxes, which total $120.00. Is she still ecstatic? Does she shrug her shoulders and laugh, and say, "Hey, I still have a really cheap trip to Cabo!" Or, does she sulk, pout, and start stomping around and throwing things? After she won the trip, did she continue to remember that she was incredibly fortunate, or did she simply revise the world so that "normal" included a free trip to Cabo, so having to pay anything is now a great misfortune? Stay away from the latter kind of woman. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, your great efforts will only briefly impress her, as she will simply raise the bar to include whatever energy you're putting out for her.

  Mrs. Buster does this all the time: I tell her that I'm coming home two hours early. I arrive, instead, an hour and half early, and I'm treated to a sulking, angry, slamming-door bitch, all because I was "a half hour late." Whatever good fortune we have, or whatever good things I make happen, she simply incorporates those into "normal" or "acceptable." Then failure to deliver becomes a negative experience. And women wonder why some married men just throw up their hands and stop trying.

  The other great danger with women like this, by the way, is that all of the high-energy stuff you do during the high-energy stage of courtship she will simply incorporate into her vision of "normal." Flowers every week, going to the movies every week, romantic walks along the beach... these will no longer be special things that she treasures, but simply things that she expects to happen. Inevitably, the relationship cools down a bit from its superheated beginnings, and you're supposed to be calm and learning deeper things about each other. Instead, she will be bitching and fretting about not getting her flowers every week. If you do make an effort and once again start buying her flowers every week, she will not shower you with love but will instead accept this as "the way things should be."

  Of course, everyone feels let down after the courtship stage is over and all of that fun stuff isn't so regular any more, but well-adjusted people get a bit down about it and then move on. Princesses become truly pissed off that they aren't getting their due any more.

Life on Hold (Waiting for Mr. Right)

• Don't date a woman that has no hobbies or interests. (Sorry honey, sleeping and watching TV are NOT pastimes!)

  There are, in my experience, three kinds of women out there in this regard:

  1. Women who have no lives and are waiting for "Mr. Right" to come along so that they can saddle him with all of their dreams and hopes, and put him into service realizing those dreams and hopes. These women are sort of like heavily-loaded carts, waiting by the side of the road for an ox to happen by. Guess who's the ox.

  2. Women who have lives doing lots of activities that they don't really much like, in the hopes that they can meet a man through said activities. After meeting and bagging him, they will forthwith drop said activities and bring out the real agenda. The question for you is whether she would hate to give up these activities. Watch what happens on those occasions when she is double-booked and has to choose between the activity and the new thing. If she seems relieved to get away from the rock climbing, then she's a faker.

  3. Women who have made lives for themselves and are doing things that they really enjoy. These women may miss their activities a few times to go out with a great new guy (that's you), but they're not happy if they can't go rock climbing from time to time.

• Don't date a woman who calls you more than twice a day (and twice is one too many), or at nutty hours of the day or night.

  In men and women, desperate is a bad sign. Desperate people want somebody, anybody, which means that the most important quality about you in their eyes is that you're breathing. Desperate people also tend to do weird, freaky things when you tell them that you're not interested in carrying on with them. All of the stuff I said before about women putting their lives on hold, waiting for Mr. Right, and the danger of the piles and piles of dreams and plans that they have stored up landing on your shoulders goes double for the obviously desperate ones. Some men make a career out of finding desperate women, screwing them, then dumping them right away, but I wouldn't. First of all, it's not nice, and second of all it's risky in the same way that parachuting is risky. You're always in danger that one day you'll get a very freaked out woman, just as you're always in danger that one day the chute won't open.

  I should point out as well that women regularly avoid men who are like this. They call them "needy" men, or "try-too-hards." Take page from the ladies' book and avoid these ones yourself.

Bad Attitude

• Don't date a woman that always says she's a "real woman looking for a real man". Real woman = Loudmouth, smart-ass, vulgar bitch; Real Man = sap who'll put up with her and her crap.

  Maybe not. Maybe she's just a frustrated woman who has been out with a lot of immature men and doesn't want another one. However, either way she has a chip on her shoulder, and you're starting off with huge negative points until you can prove that you're whatever her definition of "a real man" is. Even then, God help you if you ever fail to meet one of her criteria for "realness," because if you do you'll just be back down there with the jerks she dated before. This is why I personally avoid Canadian women: because too many of them think of themselves as "real women" looking for "real men" (or "a decent man"). Why start off with -2000 points when you can date someone who actually likes men for who they are, and start off with +500 points? And yes, there are some nice Canadian women out there, but why search for a princess in a barnyard?

• Don't date two-faced women.

  Have you ever accidentally happened upon your beloved walking down the street with a dark scowl on her face and then, when she sees you, she lights up with a big smile? Every man I know (including me) thinks that this means that she loves him so much that his mere appearance parts the clouds and brings out the sun for her. This may be true, but more often than not what this gesture really means is that she has one face for her "loved ones" and one face for her friends. She smiles and nods to people she wants to impress, and reserves her bad moods for people she figures can't escape. This means her family, and, should you tie the knot with her, you. Here are some other signs of this same kind of personality.

  • She talks on the phone to her friend / brother / father / ex-boyfriend in sweet, gentle tones, then after she hangs up scowls and says, "Stupid bastard," or some such thing.

  • She is in a rotten, lousy mood but when the phone rings she is suddenly Miss Sweetness herself... until the conversation is over and she hangs up, at which point she becomes the Wicked Witch again.

  • She treats some other people with scintillating charm and others with contempt, depending upon who they are (for example company presidents versus waiters).

  These signs tell you that you're dealing with someone who isn't authentic, and reserves her good (phoney) side for people she wants to impress. One day, not long from now, you will move from the "to be impressed" category to the "take for granted" category, at which point you'll just become another way for her to vent her frustration at having to be nice to all of the jerks that she's still trying to impress.

  I find that most men strive mightily to ignore warnings like these. I know that I did, and probably still do. It's natural to assume that your lady-love's tendency to shine when you're around, even when she's pissed off, is a testament to your obvious charm. Sadly, it's probably not.

  Now, this doesn't mean that you should look for a woman who is never angry, or look for a woman who doesn't hide any of her feelings. It's natural to tone down anger or sadness when you run into someone you're trying to impress, or when they call on the phone. The difference, though, between an authentic woman and a inauthentic one is that the former will say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not in a good mood right now. Could you please call back later?" Or, "It's nice running into you on the street, but I'm having a bad day. Could we talk later?" On the other hand, the phoney woman will be all (fake) smiles and gush about how delighted she is to see you, even as she is thinking to herself, "Damn. I wish that this dork would leave so that I can get on with my day." Typically, you can only see the difference in how she reacts to other people, or when you catch her unawares.

• Don't date a woman who always has to be right.

  This should go without saying, but don't date a woman who always has to be right, and thinks that everyone who disagrees with her is stupid, uneducated, or misinformed. Believe it or not, there are women like this who don't even try to hide this aspect of their personalities, and there are guys who date them and fall in love with them. An actual conversation I had with an ex-girlfriend:

  She: I saw that movie last month. It was crap. What did you think of it?
  Me: I enjoyed it, but I can understand that someone not in the mood for philosophical monologues and deep thinking might find it boring.
  She: Shows how much you know about film.

  I was deeply wounded and offended, but I was still such a sap that I went out on two more dates with her before I dumped her. Then I spend a few weeks wondering whatever attracted me to a bitch like that. Some poor asshole, somewhere, is probably wondering the exact same thing at this moment.

Bad Behaviour

• Don't date a woman who says "You don't know what I've been through!" (A consequence of her own irresponsibility, perhaps?)

  Any woman who can't put her past behind her is either: a) suffering the aftereffects of a terrible life, which means that you have to put up with the suffering and the aftereffects, or b) is setting the stage for future bad behaviour by laying out her reasons up front. Of course, it feels more defensible to get rid of her in the latter case, but you should in the former as well. Let her sort out her problems on her own and then find love. Your job is not to save her. Your job is to find yourself a good companion.

  As for the latter type, what she is really saying is, "You're going to find out that I'm a total bitch... but I have a good reasons, which are that...." Who really cares why she's going to be a total bitch? You won't want to be with a total bitch, no matter what the reason. Say goodbye.

• Don't date a woman that hits you playfully or otherwise. (Signs of the future.)

  I've dated many women who think that hitting men is great fun. I have a new theory on that. Stay tuned. Anyway, even if she never hits you with any force, remember that when she's PMS-ing like mad, and screaming at you for something that happened when you weren't even around but is still, in some twisted way, your fault, and your blood is boiling and she hits you "just to get the point across"... just remember how easy it is under those circumstances to haul off and deck her. Then remember that that lands you in jail. Women who like to hit are just too dangerous to be around. Find one that doesn't.

• Don't date a woman who has major PMS episodes.

  Whatever her PMS episodes are like during your dating phase, multiply that by ten, or a hundred, and that will be what it will be like to be married to her. Women claim that PMS is hormonal and that they "can't control it." This is bullshit. They control it very nicely until you tie the knot. Then they don't bother any more.

  If your girlfriend is already barely tolerable once a month, then get rid of her fast. After you move in together she will turn into Charles Manson during her period. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Irritating Behaviour

• Don't date a woman who's favorite restaurant is "Wherever you want to eat is fine with me."

  Oh, that brings back memories, and recent ones, too. Women who can't express what they want are dynamite. They know which restaurant they prefer, but they're just not going to say. Then, one day, you'll be facing a raging, crying woman who demands that the two of you do this or that right now because, "We always do what you want to do." In effect, she wants to choose which things she's going to let you decide and which things she gets to decide, and no, you don't get a choice in that. By not volunteering where she wants to eat, or what trip she wants to take, or which museum she wants to see, and therefore forcing you to make the decision, she is building up "guilt points" for later use. Beware.

  I had this very conversation with an ex-girlfriend of mine. Can you imagine living with this for the rest of your life?

  She: I'd like to go out to dinner tonight.
  Me: OK, where would you like to go?
  She: Why don't you decide. I'll go anywhere you like.
  Me: I'd like to go for sushi.
  She: We always go for sushi. Not sushi.
  Me: OK, we haven't gone for Vietnamese in ages. How about that?
  She: No, not Asian. I don't feel like Asian.
  Me: Hmmm. Not Asian. Well, there's Chevy's. They have good food, and the atmosphere is fun.
  She: I was thinking of some place with a view.
  Me: A view. Not Asian. How about the Soft Rock Cafe? They have a view over False Creek.
  She: I was really hoping we could go to Bridges.
  Me: Why didn't you just say so?
  She: Because I wanted to know where you wanted to go.

  Actually happened. Cross my heart. Incredible, isn't it?

• Don't date a woman who thinks current events in the news is J.Lo. and Ben Affleck.

  Well, that is, unless you agree. I know guys who are into airheads. You just have to accept that you'll never have a deep conversation with this person. Personally, I think that you can do better. As well, I would spend a lot of time with a woman like this, just to see if I could really handle being brains for two. Never trust your first impression of how easy it will be to adapt to someone else. You'll always underestimate the difficulties.

Control Freaking

• Don't date a woman that has no sense of humour.

  Well, there are senses of humour and senses of humour. Totally humourless women are bad news, unless you're the type who likes to be ordered around. For me, the real message of this one is to avoid women who can't take what life throws at them with a shrug and a laugh. If you go on a trip and the airline loses your luggage, what does she do? Does she laugh and adapt to the situation, rail against the stupidity of airlines and demand that "someone" fix the problem, or does she turn in the Princess in Distress and wait for someone to rescue her? You want the first one. When she plans a wonderful dinner but the roast chars to a crisp, what does she do? Does the adapt or go on the warpath? If you tell her that you don't like her music, does she accept the comment with a laugh, or rip into you for being an uncultured boor? In other words, as I said, can she take life's disappointments in stride and laugh about them, or is she brittle and demanding?

• Don't date a woman who gets bent out of shape because you just want to have a quiet night at home by yourself, after a long day at work.

  The tone you set dating is the tone that will live on for the rest of your relationship. If she can't handle you having any private time to yourself, then she will never be able to handle you having private time to yourself. In fact, after you're married, it will get worse, because she has lots of preconceived notions about marriage, probably including the notion that husbands and wives are inseparable. If she can't handle it now, then you'll be chained to her every moment of your day. I know this one intimately: at first I was flattered and pleased that Mrs. Buster wanted to be with me constantly. However, it quickly turned into a kind of tyranny. If you can't cope with any of the following then don't go near this kind of woman:

  • She will clock your route time from work to home, and will go ballistic if you arrive more than five minutes later than she thinks you should, even if she sent you on a half hour errand on the way home. She understands mean travel time, average travel time, and standard deviations therein. Who says that women can't do math?

  • All of the sports and fun activities you did when she met you, that you enjoy and make your life worth living (besides your relationship with her, of course) will be gradually whittled away until there is nothing left for you to do but beeee togeeether aaaalways! Your relationship will then begin to implode, with too much focus inward and too little focus outward.

  • She will rely on you for entertainment. Since she doesn't do anything on her own (she wants to be together all of the time), you become her whole world, and you have to be always ready to console her, entertain her, talk to her, decide what she wants, ... the list goes on and on. You are her world, guy, and there's no room in there for you to be sad, tired, or otherwise out of sorts. It's the continuous, all-waking-hours stage play, and the show must go on!

  • Or, perhaps, she will be tremendously jealous and suspicious. She will check up on you constantly. A ball and chain would be cheaper, and less demanding. Even if she isn't suspicious of other women, she will be jealous of your time. If you have to pay bills, talk to banks, arrange doctors' appointments, pick up repairs, or do anything else, you get to do these things on "your time," of which you have none. Get the picture?

  • Your time at work will also be her time. She will expect you to be continuously available to take her phone calls, even if what she wants is to sob and whinge on the phone for an hour about how sad she is, or how her stomach hurts. The fact that you are working, and have a boss to answer to, is irrelevant. She owns you.

  Can you tell that I made this mistake and now I'm wrestling with the consequences? Grrr....

Mind Games

• Absolutely don't date women who use conversation as a crowbar to get inside your head.

  How do you feel after talking with her? Do you feel normal? Refreshed? Interested? Do you feel as though there was an exchange of sentiments and information between adults? Or do you feel as though you've just gone nine rounds with a heavyweight? Does your head hurt? Do you feel just a bit violated? Do you feel as though the conversation just sort of got away on you and you're not sure what happened but you didn't really like it? If in even a few conversations with her you feel as though you're fighting off a rapist then get rid of her. She's the equivalent of the guy whose primary purpose is to get his girlfriend's clothes off. In the end, once she gets inside your head and peers around in there, she'll grow bored and treat you like crap, just as the aforementioned single-minded guy will become bored once he's had his girlfriend a few times. Women alert each other to such guys: Stay away! You, as a man, don't deserve any less. Stay away!

• Don't date a woman whose response to your helping her with a decision says, "So, you don't like the other one."

  For example, a woman who says, "Which dress do you think I should wear? The tan one or the fuchsia one?" and then, after you tell her the tan one, says, "So, you hate the fuchsia one." This is a pure mind game. Never, ever date women who like mind games. You have better things to do with your mind.

• Don't date a woman who responds to your every expression of wishes, emotions, or ideas as being all about her.

  For example, if you say, "I don't like rap music," a mature woman will say, "I like rap music a lot. What is it about rap that you don't like?" She will take what you said as an opportunity to share with you what she likes about rap, and listen to you talk about what you dislike. Maybe, in the end, you still don't like rap, but at least you had an interesting conversation.

  The defensive woman will take your expression of dislike an attack on her tastes. She will yell, or pout, or cry, or otherwise be a pain in the ass because you "don't like [her] music." From her perspective, it's all about her. This effectively closes communication between the two of you, as she uses negative behaviour to teach you never to say anything that she doesn't want to hear. You can't have a relationship with this woman. Get rid of her.

Self-Sufficiency

• Don't get a woman that doesn't work, or is underemployed (e.g. 35 years old and flipping burgers at McDonalds).

  I think that this depends upon the arrangement that you want. If you want the traditional Cleaver family arrangement, then this needs some modification. The main point for me is one that is repeated later in this list: never date a woman who is unambitious or doesn't like to work. If she is unambitious, she will discover her ambition later, after you're married, and then you'll be expected to drop everything and help her realize her goals. If she's allergic to work, well... I don't have to point out who will end up doing all of the work, do I?

• Don't date a woman that always has her girlfriend, sister, or other female by their side.

  Women who always invite a chaperone along are either immature and inexperienced, or afraid of men. Neither of these is a good thing. I once had the hots for a woman at work (this was during my Stupid Period) who went everywhere with her best friend, a married guy from our same office. They weren't screwing around; it was just that she refused to go to any party, movie, or other social gathering without a chaperone / body guard. I was too stupid to know it then, but I should have sworn off of her as soon as I found out about him. I've met her since, and there's still something not right there. Stay away.

• Don't date a woman who can't cook, clean, or do laundry. She's not going to magically learn once the ring is on her hand.

  I love this entry, because it will completely freak out most women. "What?!? Are we going back to the 1950's?!?" they'll scream. This is a hot button for almost any woman I know. However, if you stop reacting to this emotionally and start thinking about it rationally, it makes perfect sense. If she can't cook, clean, or do laundry, whom does she expect will be doing all of this? You? Isn't that just more sexism? I know so many "modern" women who are like this: "I don't cook; I don't clean; I don't wash clothes; I don't do windows." Whom, then, do they think will be looking after them? Guess what, buddy: it's you. The best way not to be an oppressed housewife is to become the oppressive wife to an oppressed househusband, and millions of women are doing exactly that as you read this. Now you know why I laugh at the notion that feminism was all about equality.

• Don't date a woman who dresses nice, but can never seem to keep her phone bill paid for.

  This should be simple, but so many men fall down on this one. She makes about as much money as you do, but she just seems to spend it all every month. Or, she's totally scatterbrained and as such seems totally incapable of looking after the more mundane aspects of daily life. This speaks in part to her priorities (clothes are more important than credit ratings), or her capabilities. Looking after day-to-day finances is, like washing dishes, washing clothes, cleaning, and ironing, part of daily life. Anyone who is utterly incapable in a big "daily life" item is, in essence, waiting to thrust that job onto someone else. Oh, and don't think that because you're handling the day-to-day bill paying that she will have nothing to say about money. On the contrary: out of sight means out of mind, and she will shortly be asking why you can't both fly to Italy once a year. You'll get no thanks for paying the bills, but will instead by roasted for "spending all of the money," or treated as the ogre who won't loosen the purse strings. I know from firsthand experience. Trust me.

• Sugar daddy = a man who finances a woman's irresponsible habits.

  True, but then this is as close to prostitution as you can get without it being illegal. She's young and hot, you're older and have money, so you buy her for a while. She gets something, you get something. That is, so long as you both understand the arrangement. Not what I would call a "relationship," but it takes all kinds.

• Don't date a woman whose car seems to always have a new dent or mechanical problem every week. And don't loan her your car!

  This isn't just about cars and the inability to drive. It is, once again, about helplessness and the need to be rescued. If you need someone helpless because you don't believe that a self-sufficient woman would ever stay with you, then you need some therapy. (Oh, yes, and I know that I most likely fit into that category; this doesn't stop me from recognizing the fact, though. :-)

• Don't date a woman whose bathroom is filthy.

  This plays in part to the helplessness thing: everyone should be able to (at least rudimentally) cook, shop for food and clothing, wash clothing, iron, manage household finances, make long-term financial decisions, hold down a job, deal with banks, government, employers, doctors, dentists, and lawyers, and yes: clean. If her bathroom is filthy, she either doesn't know how to clean, doesn't want to clean, or doesn't care about cleanliness. In the first case she is helpless and will depend upon you to do all of the cleaning (and what else?). In the second case she probably has some chip on her shoulder about 1950's housewives and will expect you to do penance for hundreds of years of "oppression." In the third case, well....

  I once lived with a friend of mine in a rather scummy apartment. My friend, A, had a dishwashing system: leave all of the dirty dishes on the counter, and wash only as needed. Never mind that this was just as much work as washing them all. This was his system. He didn't mind the pile of filthy dishes in the corner with plants and other nasty things growing on them / living in them. Sorry, but most human beings can't live like that. I sure couldn't. I moved out. So, who cares how hot she is? If she has a filthy bathroom (or kitchen), then you'll either be cleaning your whole life just to be with her, or you'll have to endure disgusting conditions.

  Not to mention the question that if her bathroom / kitchen is filthy, what is her body like? Ewwww....

Maturity

• If you're into older women, don't date a woman who takes her of-age daughter with her to the night club.

  Immaturity and the inability to accept who you are causes all sorts of problems. Let her chase the little boys along with her daughter, and instead go looking for someone who knows and accepts who she is.

• Don't have sex with a woman whose favorite sex act is "I don't know".

  This is just another way for her to dump the responsibility for being "naughty" on your shoulders. At first it may feel fun to be the "big bad he-man" who jumps on top of the blushing virgin, but trust me it wears thin pretty quick. After a year or two you're left with the distinct impression that she doesn't really want sex with you, and would just as soon be watching TV. You go from feeling like the big man initiating the blushing little girl into the world of sex to feeling like an undesirable loser chained to a woman who doesn't really want you. Now, she probably does still want you, but since she never expresses that, and never shows much enthusiasm for sex, you're never really convinced.

• Don't date a woman with whom you can't have a serious conversation.

  The flip side of the woman who has no sense of humour is the woman who can't talk seriously about serious issues. Grounded, well-adjusted, perceptive people know when the conversation turns serious and that it's time to lay off the jokes. This has very much to do with maturity and respect.

  "Maturity" because everyone gets nervous when discussing touchy subjects like sex, money, and future plans with a lover. It's not easy at all. However, mature people know that no matter how nervous you get, you have to avoid the cheap escape, which is to turn the whole conversation into a joke. Sure, it's a quick way out of a tight spot, but then it destroys the trust between two people.

  "Respect" because some people can use serious conversations as an emotional tactic. Have you ever had a heart-to-heart talk with someone who ended that talk by flipping everything you said around so that it came out as an insult, or a joke, or something else for which you had to apologize? Beware of women who suddenly turn joking banter into serious conversation, or vice versa. If you're laughing it up with her and then suddenly she starts crying her eyes out, claiming that it's not a joke and that you don't love her, then run. Fast. If you're talking seriously with her, she says something that shocks you, and she starts laughing and saying, "Oh, I was just kidding. Lighten up!" then beware. People who suddenly change the tone of conversations like that are pouring acid on the trust between you. Take her task for it. If she keeps weaseling out of serious conversations, then get rid of her before you can't trust anything she says any more.

• Don't date women who can't keep promises.

  If she simply doesn't keep any promises that she makes to anyone then you have an obvious and serious problem on your hands, but there are more subtle manifestations of this phenomenon. Here I'm not talking about passing remarks such as, "Oh, I'll be there at five." There are anal people who will be there at 4:55 and easygoing people who will show up at 5:45. It happens. What I'm talking about is someone who, in the midst of a serious conversation says, "I'll call her today. I promise. Really. Trust me." If she "forgets" to call, what it means is that all the other stuff she was doing today was more important than her serious promise to you. So what did she do? Ask her. Then think about the fact that every one of those things: going for coffee with her friend, chatting on the phone, watching TV, whatever... each of them was more important to her than a promise made to you. Not good.

  As a personal example, Mrs. Buster has several times made on-my-grandmother's-grave type promises to me in deeply emotional, crisis situations (of which we have more than our fair share, I might add). Every time, after the dust settles, the promise is forgotten, or she's "too busy" to do anything about it. She's busy with housework, or busy with her friends, or busy watching TV. Yes, she has lots of housework to do, but the bottom line is clear: in her life, promises to me, even very serious ones, come last. Even promises made to her friends come before promises made to me. Not good.

  Of course, she wasn't always like that, and this is the subtle part. Mrs. Buster is hell-bent on keeping promises to people she's trying to impress. If your belle is like this, and you're not married yet, she is in all likelihood trying to impress you. So, you have to watch how she treats promises made to other people, in particular members of her family. If a promise she makes to a brother, a sister, or one of her parents is writ in stone... if it's even more important than a promise made to you, then you're in good shape. Sensible people have their priorities straight: family first, then lovers, then friends, then everyone else. You don't want a girl whose priorities are: friends first, then lovers, then family, then everyone else, because if you marry her, you're going to become "family."

• Beware of a woman who can never make up her mind, or who constantly asks you to make decisions for her.

  This is a tricky one, because women have a different way of making decisions than do men. Women prefer to get together in groups and talk out their decisions. Men prefer to make decisions solo. So, expect that your girlfriend will be less decisive than the guys you hang out with. However, if you find her calling you constantly, asking you to make trivial decisions for her, your alarm bells should start ringing softly. This could simply be a male / female communication problem, or it could be the sign of someone who will drive you slowly nuts with trivial questions. Of course, this is a good opportunity to tell her that she's annoying you, and see what happens.

• Don't date a woman who is brutally decisive.

  Most (normal) people make decisions, then ask their partner for an opinion, then discuss any differences, and come to an agreement. Beware the woman who, in order to avoid being indecisive (as outlined above), goes off the scale in the other direction and makes snap decisions that aren't open to negotiation. If, instead of being indecisive she's inflexible, then she's just the same personality type overcompensating for her indecisiveness.

• Don't have sex with a woman who just sits or lays there when you initiate it.

  One of my ex-girlfriends used to do what I referred to as the "dead fish impression." Vibrant, interesting sex requires two participants. Lying on your back with your legs apart is not participating. Being nervous and never initiating is also not participating. Only liking one or two positions and never trying anything "kinky" is borderline. Good sex requires imagination, a sense of fun, and the ability to drop your inhibitions from time to time. If she can't manage that, then you're in for a long, dull life together.

Women with Children

• Don't date a woman who has 4 kids by 5 different guys (hey, maybe she did a threesome once?)

• Don't date a woman with kids at all if you can help it.

  I mention this in my earlier list, but it bears repeating, because there are several reasons for it. First, you may end up becoming the putative father, which puts you on the hook for years of child support. Yeah, I know: she's really nice and she wouldn't do that to you. Well, the ones who would do that to you come across as really nice, too. Why take chances when there are lots of nice, single, childless women out there? Second, she has obviously had at least one relationship that royally tanked. Why should you be her second kick at the cat? Did her relationship tank because the guy was a jerk (if so, why did she choose him), or did it tank because she's a bit dysfunctional? Again, why are you taking chances here? To help her out? What about helping yourself out?

• If you do date a woman with kids, don't buy the kids a damn thing. That's what the crumbsnatcher's daddy is for!

  Again, this plays in the whole lawsuit / putative father thing. Don't set yourself up as the kid's daddy. Oh, and you would be very, very surprised to know who the courts consider a possible "daddy" these days.

Trust Your Gut

• If you get an odd feeling about a woman, don't have sex with her... no matter how hot she is

  So many men (including yours truly) try to ignore that little voice inside them that says, "This is a bad idea. Dump this one now!" I've been out with women who claimed to be witches. (No, not the once-a-month kind, but the abracadabra-you're-a-toad kind.) I've been out with women who claimed to be spies for the secret police. Every time my little, inner voice was screaming, "Run away!" but I didn't listen. Only once did I listen, and it was the smartest thing I ever did. Listen to your little inner voice. It speaks the truth, even if your mother, your sisters, and your girlfriends say that it doesn't.

• Don't move in with a woman, don't let her move in with you. It's hard enough for married couples to live with each other.

  Well, there's one piece of good advice to which nobody is going to pay any attention. Sooner or later you have to make the leap and live with a woman. Whether it's a success (here's hoping) or a disaster, there's something selfish and immature about people who just can't give up that single life. Given that, and that marriage is a crap deal for men these days, and I'm not sure that this rule is a good one in the large. More specifically, though, it does hold up: most women, and even most men, are often far too quick to move the relationship along to the living-together stage and then the marrying stage. Most couples move in together too early, principally because of women's insatiable desire for more "intimacy" (placed in quotation marks here because women confuse intimacy with getting inside a man's head, even as men confuse intimacy with getting inside a woman's pants).

• Don't date a woman who responds to disappointment by staring at the floor and saying, "It's OK."

  It's not OK. She's just not telling you. What you're looking for here is a woman who responds to life's lemons by making lemonade. You want a woman who responds to disappointment by saying, "Well, that sucks, but if we did this instead, then maybe we can salvage the situation." Or, if you change plans on her, says, "Well, I don't really like the new plans. Maybe we can compromise." Or something like that. "It's fine. We'll do it your way." whilst staring at her shoes just means that she understands only two ways to do anything: her way, and someone else's way. After she gets to know you better, you can bet that she will be insisting on her way... or the highway.

  If she says, "It's OK," and you have the nagging feeling that it's not OK, then your nagging feeling is accurate. Get rid of her before she drives you crazy.

• As a follow-up to the item on expressing yourself, pay attention to that uncomfortable feeling you have that you're walking on eggshells with your girlfriend.

  If any little thing you do or say sets her off on a crying jag, or starts her raging, or stops her speaking to you... if you feel as though you have to pay constant attention to her moods so that you don't say or do something wrong... then you have a brittle personality on your hands, and you should dump her. Now. Yes, you'll have to endure more crying / raging / silence, and it may seem like the most terrifying thing you've ever done, but believe me you want to get out early. No matter what she says or does, just remember that the most important person in your life is you, not her. Get rid of her while you're still sane.

Comments by Cquik

After I wrote this expanded list, the original author, Cquik, wrote to me and expanded on some of the entries. The commentary here is his.

• When you first meet a woman, listen not only to what she says, but what she doesn't say!

  This means that when you first meet a woman, listen very carefully to the overall message about herself that she may be conveying to you. For example, if she starts up about how her life is going to hell in a handbasket, her bills are three months overdue and she's about to be kicked out of her apartment, and she doesn't know what she's going to do,the thing that may be unsaid is, "I need a sap who'll freely open up his checkbook to bail me out of whatever circumstance that results from my irresponsibility or negligence." So you need to listen for that unspoken part, should it arise, and be ready to bail yourself! Let Little Miss Spender find some other chump to empty his pockets on her!

• Don't date a woman who has overt tattoos, if any at all.

  The other thing I had mentioned concerning tattoos; in the past, tattoos were part of the code for sailors, soldiers, bikers, and the like. More often than not, the artwork meant something, and tatts were the symbol of outlaws, people who truly wanted to be different from the mainstream. Now, everyone gets them, many of them more or less to be "hip". The vast majority of Amrican women (I can't speak for Canadian women), are slaves to fads, and as such have taken to marking themselves up for life with designs ranging from the now all-too-routine rose on the anle to having different ancient script (safe bet they don't know what the script means- "it just looks so kewl! Giggle!") etched across their backs,on the napes of their necks, and on various parts of their bodies. To those who do so, and keep their markings private or in private places, I have no problem, but women who flaunt their scribblings (i.e. showing the rose tattooed on their cleavage by wearing low cut tops,) also tend to open beer bottles with their teeth and end their Saturday nights with a ride in the back seat of a squad car. Who wants to spend the rest of their life going downtown to spring their wife out of jail?

  [The funniest part of this entry is that several months later I read about a bride who had to be bailed out of jail to go on her honeymoon. Me, I would have been asking for an anulment the next day, but then maybe her husband was a bad-boy bar fighter too.

Yet to Be Classified

• Don't date a woman who knows all the bars that have Ladies' Night.

  I can't really comment on this because I have always instinctively avoided women like this.

• Don't date a woman whose house is done in the leopard or tiger motif.

  I suspect that this one goes along with the one about tatoos, but I'm not sure. Certainly you should keep in mind that however her house / apartment is decorated, so will your place be decorated shortly. However, I suspect that that wasn't the point. Please feel free to enlighten me.